Ain't It True!

More great one from Claire - CHS Class of 1958

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.
2. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
Implants?" She hit me.
3. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
4. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.
7. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
8. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
9. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
I have stayed alive.
10. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50
for Miss America?
11. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
12. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
13. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
14. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"-
15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!
16. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
dunk."
17. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
18. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
the difference.
19. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
20. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
21. My husband says I never listen to him (at least I think that's what
he said).
22. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they
can in prison?
23. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with something called LABOR!
24. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT
cells live forever.
25. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?